so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
