Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
