i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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