I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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