I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize