How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
