Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
