Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

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(815): View more from Illinois

the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants

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(731): View more from Tennessee

the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.

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(315): View more from New York

The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.

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(541): View more from Oregon

On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

It's a study aid

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(845): View more from New York

There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.

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