Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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