I'm eating all of the evidence.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
