I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
