dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
