if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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