i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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