I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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