Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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