Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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