Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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