HIV tests are more positive than that guy
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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