I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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