When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the day after is always just damage control
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
