I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
