It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
