the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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