Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
