I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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