I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
