And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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