remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sex in a hospital.. check
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
