I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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