Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
