By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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