Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
