i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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