Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
