so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
