1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
