so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
