The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
