guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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