im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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