now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
