standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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