I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
