It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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