I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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