I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
