I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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