He is such a slut. More and more my type.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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