you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
