Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
