Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
