i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
