i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
