it's like iHOP with fire
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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