btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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