Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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