Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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