He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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