Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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