i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
